eldon's Site ---- margaritas optional.

today at a dollar store i found a couple laser pointers, i didn't think i'd find any in regina again.

 

and bear wasn't born when the supply stopped, and it's new to him.

i led him outside with the tiny light and closed the door on him.

in 5 seconds he was whining for the light, as if it was his new friend.

a half hour ago, squeak was bark-squeaking to play with the light.

funny how cats can convey orders.

then all 3 got in on the act, and i'd forgotten how the 2 older ones would jump high off the back of the sofa to catch the light on the wall.

i just came in from outside, it's 1.30 am.

watching the cats go at it in the dark is one of the simpler things in life.  

 

 

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9.

10.   they have boobs.

 

as i write this, i see one of my cats at the window waiting for me to open it.   

it's too nice a night out to let her inside, so i'll continue.  

oh, now there's two. 

let me open it. 

 

two days ago, a saturday afternoon, i decided to go for lunch at the casino, everybody was raving about the place.   i had a coupon i received with my airmiles, and i had to go back and forth from one station to the other (the place is huge and i have claustrophobia.  turns out the station that could help me was right where i started.  translation:  grrrrrr.)

the clerk there started asking me for all my personal information, and when she asked me my address, i in turn asked her why they needed it.

"we just do" is all she said.

"that's not an answer" i replied. 

she sat there with a stunned look on her face, and i noticed i embarrassed her (poor thing - poor poor thing). 

i finally got the coupon and she pointed out the area the dining room was in. 

being a star waiter in my youth (HA!), i was tres disappointed from the first moment i entered.

i asked the hostess to seat me in the area where there was light because i wanted to read.

she told me that section was closed, and sat me somewhere else --- i asked her to tell my waitress to bring me a margarita, and she said i could order one when she got to my table. 

now, i know from my server days, that the first impression has to come with the hostess.  the area i wanted to sit in may have been closed, but there were 5 waitresses standing around doing nothing, and i thought her answer was absurd. 

lose 2 points.  

so i sat there at my table, waiting 10 minutes for my waitress, valerie.   

and as i sat there, i noticed i was the youngest person in the room.   

nobody told me the casino restaurant was the haunt for every hungry old person who liked to play the slots.     

lose 2 more points.  

my margarita came at the same time as the meal. 

more lost points.  

chicken fingers, obviously fresh, but not very plentiful, soggy fries (the worst kind), and no veggies.            

i ate quickly and got the hell out of there.

it's taken me two days to get over it (okay okay i'm exaggerating).          

i've learned a lesson.  

never trust a living soul.  

except me.

oh, and always exit laughing.        

 

eldude. 

 

 

 

 

what's with that anyway?  

i seem to be your only contact. 

smells fishy to me.

spare yourself the energy and try to hi-jack someone else's site. 

i ain't interested. 

 

 

 

 

 

every day when i open my spam box, there's AT LEAST 5 spam messages from people in places like nigeria, hong kong, czechoslovakia, trying to get my personal information so they can either a) get money from me and never write back or b) informing me they'd like me to pose as a beneficiary to someone who's recently died or c) only has 2 months to live.           

i don't know how often this works for them or if it works at all, but i've taken a page from Augusten Burroughs and do the following:     

i tell them i'd be pleased to do business once i receive a picture of their penis or vagina (or god forbid, both).   

trust me peeps, you never hear from them again. 

 

 

i've been having some doozy of dreams lately.  

i told myself to remember them, but as i sit here and write this, i can't for the life of me remember.  

but i do vaguely remember finding out which senator that hot babe interviewing type co-host millionairess "i can make you cry in 10 seconds", barbara walters snagged.         

JOHN KERRY! 

remember, this was just a dream.

how she ended up in it, no idea. 

funny there was no ketchup involved.

i just thank the powers that be that starr "payless" jones didn't make an appearance.  

bigbikemike17 of an intellectuals room.  

on karen carpenter: 

<bigbikemike17>  God she was a bony fuck!

dear pal,  

i regret, really regret, this is the end of the road.  

well, in a way.  

when we met, you made me feel sophisticated, glamorous, like i had arrived. 

you stuck with me thru thick and thin. 

i tried to leave you once before, but you really had me hooked.  

it was a month-long separation.  

didn't last, and we found each other again.  

i had no clue you had some kind of power over me.

no more babe. 

you are bad for me.  

and you turned on me.  

you've become a hazard to my psychological and physical health.

it was almost like you were trying to trick me.  

took 30 years, but better late than never and how i hate cliches'.  

no more babe.

 

tomorrow i start the nicotine patch. 

 

it's been real swell knowin ya.  

heath ledger.  

rest in peace, buddy. 

ALWAYS A CHILD.   

i'm SICK to death of all the entertainment shows leading each day with a report on britney's breakdown.      

HEY STUPID!  it ain't a breakdown, it's "acting" ... can you not see you're feeding right into the spotlight-hungry beotch's hands?  can you not see she deserves everything she gets?    

SHE WANTS ANOTHER BABY!!!!!   

and please, for the love of goddess, stop playing psychiatrist.       

dr. phil - shut the fuck up. 

rosie - you have your own troubles (donald trump anyone?) - keep your big mouth shut for a change.

showbiz tonight - you're falling from grace.  

etalk daily - i don't know where to start with these guys, ben mulroney needs a good punch just for lookin like his criminal father.  

paris hilton - is there anything you don't do or say to make yourself stay relevant, if you ever were? 

k-fed -  (just kidding haw haw). 

whoa.   

this felt good. 

 

 

it's hours away. 

i'll be spending it with my cats.    

and while i wait for my hard drive to come back from the shop (AGAIN!), i'll take this time to wish you all a happy nude year and much piece on earth.             

cheers from da tupp. 

and the award goes to ...    

the spice things!  

ladies, i haven't forgotten your rolling stone interview where you each waxed romantic about your monthly flow.  

and disclosed that you leave chewed bubblegum under tables at interviews.  

i haven't forgotten how your girl power debacle dropped out from your tired, boring feet. 

i haven't forgotten YOU baby spice - always sticking your tongue out, sending a message to all your pre-pubescent fans that it's okay to do so. 

and what's this i hear?  you have a baby now yourself?     

probably a perfect argument for birth control.  

 

 

 

 

funny how it becomes a test when your computer is in the shop. 

12 days went by pretty smoothly.

i think i did okay, got re-aquainted with watchin movies.  

turns out i watched more tv on dvd.  

3rd rock from the sun, 2 seasons of oz, final season of 6 feet under, currently watching 2nd season of 24.  

i haven't blogged much in quite a while.

i hope that will change.  

winter is here.  

bring it on. 

 

 

so winter is finally here.        

a white blanket of snow covers the ground.       

but as i was walking thru the sasktel parking lot yesterday, i came eye to eye with a white bunny rabbit.   

with gold eyes.   

on the white blanket of snow.   

we locked stares for a moment, i could almost see him (it just HAS to a be a him) wondering if i was glenn close or something.    

he hopped off in his cute fashion, and we were both better for the experience.  

funny thing tho --- the same rabbit was in the exact same place an hour ago when i went thru the same parking lot.         

i was in no mood for games, so i let him be.           

and you guessed it - i have the christmas blues.   

YAY ME.    

 

 

last night my hard drive crashed.   

 

i'm real happy about that.      

 

it goes to bootcamp next week and hopefully i won't have to murder anyone who looks at me the wrong way.   

 

HUGZ.

fellas, 

there's no need to fight.    

you're both horrible role models.    

first you, fiddy:      

i'll admit you were kinda hot when your first album came out.   

chiseled abs, bulging biceps, rough street look. 

but look at you now.   

your success has led you to eat what seems like deep-fried cheerios.  

and your abs look like jelly rolls now.  

for shame.  

(and i don't give a fuck if it's your birthday either, so we're even.) 

 

then there's you kanye:  

you got all pissed off when you didn't win any grammys the first year you were nominated.  

as if grammys were needed to justify your celebrity status.   

but all that changed the next year when you won 2 (out of 10 nominations).  

HA! 

then you admitted on the ellen show that you were addicted to porn, and proud of it.   

well honey, many people are addicted to porn, but they don't go on talk shows in front of a million + people saying so.    

and, not to be cruel, but your new album is mediocre at best.   

and i doubt there's any grammys waiting for you next year.       

next victim on this site:  justin timberlake.

below you will find another (!?!) notification of a lottery i've won, or so i assume because they don't even say so.   

but getting so many of these obviously pompous douchebags who think they can pull one over on me, let's just say with practice i've decided to be the decisive, uncompromising and RUDE fella i can be. 

notice the typo in the very first word.  

 

 

CONGARTULATIONS!!!!!!

Dear recipients,
Here are your winnings combination numbers: Reference Number is: JU/03/357856256/NL, and Ticket Number is: IL252/03/78., Serial Number is 896665NL, this has qualified you as a winner in our September / October Christmas lottery draws of fifteen million euros. {€15,000,000} please note that you are advised to send your winning combination numbers that is given above to the person of Mrs. Cherry Rings, her email address which is:

 

*read next blog entry for my reply.